Daily Whackjob

I’ve missed two days on CongressWatch and the Whackjob Roundup, but school is getting really busy and taking a lot of time. I hope to give a writeup on the Minimum Wage bill that just passed the House, but until then, Vivian Paige has the ball. BTW, who wants to convoy down to VP’s pad and watch the Super Bowl this Sunday? BTW, that’s pretty awesome HW for an accountant, I’m in the wrong business.

• $20 bucks buys good ass. Too bad there is no innuendo for an elephant.
• The real question is not why Kenton and Bolling are friends, but why Kenton’s monitor resolution is 640.
• Republitarian furthers the misconception provides more proof that he’s a chauvinist. Wouldn’t know what to do with Megan even if she agreed.
• Republitarian now writing science facts on pasta packages.
• Why yes, that is Putin’s crapper. Megan, please explain what a bidet is to your husband.

• Must adopt George Allen method of bill creation.
• It’s one thing to spend an entire campaign cycle focusing on a candidates sexuality, it’s another to complain that no one wrote about the issues.
• It’s family values when it’s your family, but it’s a privacy violation when it’s theirs.
• "I saw some little black kid who had a T-shirt on that said ’My dad’s name is Donor,’ and I thought, that’s pathetic." Catholic Bob Marshall. H/T Fashion Critic Tribbett.
• How a bill becomes a law. Step three: if bill is by Democrat, kill in committee and have Republican in tight race introduce exact same legislation.
• Tinfoil helmets in place, matching Nikes and capes, and headed for the Great Mothership in the sky? You guessed it, he’s talking about the SWACjobs.
• Jon Tester publishes his daily schedule. Kudos Senator.
• Magic Rainbow Unicorn. Yes, Lesbians have nipples.
• No joke link of the day: A touching story.
• Bruce Roemmelt says no to Dominion Power. Must adopt Virgil Goode "Listen to Bruce Roemmelt" Plan.

• Coolest picture of a supermarket you’ll see today.
• Must adopt Kate Griffin protection of marriage sanctity plan.
• Senate Judiciary Committee to hold hearings on "Exercising Congress’s Constitutional Power to End a War." Chiropractor missing from list.
• Kenton Ngo comes through again. Jesusland is south of I-66 and New Vatican is inside the beltway.
• Two grand for a college political blogger. Basic literacy required. UMW students protest.
• Finally a bi-partisan bill that every Virginian should support. That’s it, there really isn’t a punch line.
• Bush no longer a "miserable failure"…on Google.
• Voicemail complaints to the SF Chronicle. Caller ID says Shady Grove Retirement Home, voice strangely sounds like Cory Chandler.
• Bathing suite cartwheels at the South Pole. -25.5 below 0 without windchill. All testicles seen heading for the sternum.
• Another map from Kenton, proving once and for all that Mr. Ngo is a certified heterosexual. Seriously, Flamingo Pink and Lime Green?

• Boy screaming kills chickens. I can’t top that headline.
• Diebold voting machine key copied from picture on Diebold’s website. Must adopt Alice Marshall verified voting plan.
• James Martin discovers that UMW is the Wal-Mart of Virginia Universities.
• Every Mythbusters Myth on one page.
• Justice Ginsberg - hot cheerleader. George Bush, not so hot cheerleader.
• Science teacher gets payback for the ugliest rainbow shirt in history.
• I guess Ethanol sucks. Via Waldo.
• Office Space remixed into slasher film trailer.
• If Bolling was going to invite just one liberal blogger, Vivian was a good choice.
• Lawyer Joke. Well, most lawyers are.

• A Pac-Man bathroom.
• The Adventures of Cory Chandler, Grammar Hero!
• If you get your CongressWatch here, make sure you get your Virginia House Watch at Kenton’s place.
• Vivian nominated us for College Blogger of the Year. Vivian wins the coveted Old Blogger of the Year. Mr. Chandler seen spiting his Ensure and screaming at the shadows.
• How to solve the Rubik’s Cube. Must adopt Virgil Goode Russian Game-inventor Immigration Plan.
• James Martin has a girlfriend? If so, congratulations James. We at DWJ always thought Kenton would do it first. (Just look at the grin on his face, he’s so proud!)
• You can’t get there from here.
• Born Fighting no longer a book, it’s now a PAC. Plush toys and board game to follow.
• The Ergopod 500.
• Michael Williams calls out Lohr on his Anti-GSA(Gay-straight alliance, not Girl Scouts of America) bill. Girl Scouts breathe a little easier, go back to selling cookies.
• Del. Jeff Frederick appears to be bored at his job. Democrats look forward to helping him find new employment.

• God whispers to Bush, Waldo whispers to the Pope.
• First Hundred Hours in 42 Hours, 25 Minutes. Must adopt Virgil Goode scheduling formula.
• The Jeep Waterfall. I need one of these for the living room.
• Red, yellow, green, indigo briefs. Mr. Chandler talks about Cuccinelli’s search for a closed primary. If only Cuccinelli belonged to a group of people who could make laws…
• Rick Sincere ranks the Daily Whackjob beneath "Gay and Right." (Scroll all the way to the bottom, keep going, further, further, almost there, yep, there we are.) [Note: Missed adding him to the blogroll months ago, our apologies.]
• Since we’re not getting James Martin a hooker-gram, we thought he would like a cake.
• Jim Webb SOTU = Vice President?
• Chris Graham on the transportation plan. Here’s another take.
• 16. Reason boys are better: They cannot get pregnant.
• New blog by an old friend: Beltway Progressive.
• A picture is worth a thousand words, but a drawing works on so many levels.
• You know you’re a good lawyer when you can get caught with scales, money, and cocaine-laced bags, win an acquittal and get the bags back.
• HB1835 - makes it illegal to communicate false information to voters. It’s sad that we need this.

• Steve Jarding is now deputy chief of staff for Senator Tim Johnson. Hunter Pickles seen lurking around hospital. (Registration Required)
• Possible Presidential Candidate and Anti-immigration aficionado Tom Tancredo thinks Wayne Allard’s stationary isn’t pretty enough to use for requesting blizzard aid.
• The Real World, DC Democrat Version.
• First warrantless wiretaps are out, now the no-fly list is finally going to be cleaned up. Interesting how this is happening all of a sudden…
• How to make an angry peasent. Goode seen lurking in the shadows, giggling.
• Gonzales: “The Constitution does not say that every citizen has the right to habeas corpus.” Must…adopt…Goode…immigration…plan…
• Lohr “Lets Pick on the Gay Kids” bill fails in committee. Feel the power of Vivian Paige, silly mortal.
• James Martin can be so adorable sometimes…still needs a date, refuses hooker-gram.
• Leg still swollen a week later. This is crap, I demand a replacement, or some of those cookies that Whackette makes (HINT HINT).

• Jim Webb to give response to SOTU. Seen practicing eyebrow communications.
• Gay lawyers get no respect. Still must adopt Goode immigration plan.
• Obama in. I’m sure Goode isn’t happy about that either.
• Time lapse of Picasso painting.
• I have to wonder which economist developed the formula for rope length in hangings. Goode spotted at Home Depot.
• Hate mail sent to gay activist. Teenage gay activist. Way to support that freedom of speech.
• Awesome maps of war.
• HB 1727 referred to subcommittee (8-5). Please send an e-mail to the members of the committee protesting the bill.
• RK starts the Virgil Vigil. Must adopt Goode immigration plan, which now includes Raising Kaine blogger communists.
• Ginger Apple to possibly be state fruit. Original bill proposed Whackjob as state fruit. Virgil Goode wants state fruit to be “anything not picked by immigrants.”
• B-students at sub-standard colleges yawn at Obama. I agree that Obama is lacking experience, but I go to a good college. Mr. Martin regrets making snarky comments about GMU three months ago.
• Hargrove accuses Jews of killing Jesus. Votes to invade Israel and search for weapons of mass crucifixtion.

• Lowell(Raising Kaine) and Bryan Scrafford tackle conspiracy theories. Bigfoot seen catching a spaceship taxi with Elvis.
• 750 Volts goes to Richmond. Gets drunk in despair.
• I’d like to be the first to welcome Scott’s Morning Brew to the reality that is anyone who opposed the Republican agenda.
• Dave Albo proves that there are children left behind. Bwana should use small words and phonetics to explain this to Albo. Grammar nazis heard shrieking in the distance.
• It’s M L K Day.
• SlantBlog produces a guide for new bloggers. Daily Whackjob conspicuously absent from list. Someone isn’t getting a hooker-gram for Easter.
• The doctor’s pen is indeed mightier than the sword.
• One. Third. Of. Children. Can’t. Use. Periods. Correctly.
• He-man: it’s ok to be gay.
• No CongressWatch today. Congress has yet to work on a Monday.

• Jackson Miller is pissed about jaywalkers. Employs natural selection. Good choice Manassas!
• Hands off the GMU sign, NOVA Politicians. Go mess with someone like UMW.
• Bush to invade Greece next?
• Jeff Dion in the Washington Blade.
• Open primaries v. open committee voting. (Ben Tribbett prowling Roanoke, looking for naked Delegates.)
• Previously sprained ankle flared up again - high on pain killers - expect nothing else in this post to make sense.
• Yeah, I got nothing.

• When will the people of Prince William County (more specifically, the women) figure out that Bob Marshall doesn’t care about them?
• Marshall isn’t above misusing an emergency clause for a license plate bill.
• The House is debating H.R. 2 (min. wage increase) and the Senate is still working on S. 1 (Senate Ethics Reform). There’s a good article in the WaPo about the min. wage increase.
• Mr. Martin thinks the best way to stop drunk driving is memorial signs.
• Steny Hoyer and his 100 hour clock.
• Vivian Paige shows once again that the ideas of fiscal conservation lies only with the Democratic Party. Very nice site redesign.
• Ted Kennedy’s Ass Cushion.

• Adam Ebbin - blogger.
• Adam Ebbin - not showering with Jesus.
• The Senate was in on the floor Monday from 11:30 to 5:21. Ohio still lost.
• X Curmudgeon: ” Developer Who Caused Need For New Power Line Sues To Divert It From HIS Property.”
• Condi Rice goes before Senate Foreign Relations Committee on Thursday at 10:00. Committee includes Biden (running for President), Kerry (maybe running for President), Obama (maybe running for President), and Webb (not running, but strongly against the war). Dick Cheney orders double shot of soul of the innocent.
• Blog Carnival is online.
• Richmond Sunlight is online. Is there anything Mr. Jaquith cannot do?
• Del. Hugo wants to restrict college admissions based on residency. I guess Affirmative Action isn’t dead yet.

• Congress took a vacation today so John Boehner could watch a football game. In other news, rest of America went to work.
• Bwana defines the P-CAN standard of negative campaigning. Pie and coffee to follow.
• $780,000 in gay spousal support?
• The Senate worked today, despite a football game, one vote on how nice Jerry Ford was.
• We live in a sad day and age when we have to pass the cheeseburge bill.
• I’m still annoyed with Steny Hoyer.

• If someone out there loves me enough spend a few quid…
• Rocinante’s Burdens offers the funniest take on Pat Robertson’s hallucinations.
• Conaway Haskins - signing off. What? Like playing a major role for Virginia’s newest senator is going to take up all your time? Slacker.
• Gays campaign staff manages to sabotage Allen campaign. Cory Chandler seen sneaking off into the night wearing a fabulous Prada handbag and matching pumps. [Ed note: make sure to read the comments. Lowell is taking on every Republican he can find. I think he and Josh are still drunk from Webb's victory.]
• Is there any doubt that Vivian Paige rawks? She always has the perfect post that just screams, “EVERY STFU AND LET ME EDUCATE YOU!” We kid because we envy.
• Jim Webb Day One: Start making good on campaign promises. Well done, Sir. Please ask the Speaker of the House to pass the Minority Party Bill of Rights.
• Somehow, the gays will get blamed for this too.
• Krehbiel displays a unique ability and wit last seen in the Jaded JD days. However, does it without prancing. This blog is added to the blogroll.
• In case you heard something about the first 100 hours, here’s an explanation.
• Interesting fact: Dick Cheney maintained a second office on the house side of Congress.
• I guarantee that half the state delegates and a third of the state senators just read 750 Volts instead of attending committee meetings and reading bills.
• Next time, Bush will claim the right to intercept telegrams.
• No homo is responsible for this.
• So now homos are getting the blame for blog popularity?

Just some stuff to laugh at:

• UK Man breaks land speed record - in a taxi.
• Unpopular career fair jobs: paleo-parasitologist.
• Ok, so it’s not the funny, but here’s an example of the PR machine in this country.
• Ever have a bad time trying to cancel an account. Why do memberships operate exactly like marriage: easy to get into, hard to get out? Though, should we fix marriage or memberships?
• Not really an article, just makes me miss home (Denver).
• Now your kids can save money and prevent the execution of Saddam Hussein again and again.
• Another reason I miss living in the west.
• First the oil companies and now the entertainment industry. We need more money for science education.
• A NYC friend always told me that if you fall in the subway and a train is coming, just lie between the tracks and let the train pass over you.
• Was John Wayne Gacy trying to commit suicide by fried foods before his executioner?

• Democrats take a play out of the Republican playbook.
• Mass. Gay Marriage Ban clears one hurdle to a ballot vote. Heterosexual couples that have been harmed by two years of gay marriage: zero.
• “To fly 7 million light years to O’Hare and then have to turn around and go home because your gate was occupied is simply unacceptable.”
• What’s up with Mr. Tribbett’s fascination with clothing?
• It seems that some individuals believe that their superiority as Christianists affords them the holy opportunity to judge other religions as false. Jesus seen pounding head against the wall.
• Words to blog by: “If Josh has said something that you disagree with, I hope you’ll demonstrate that he’s wrong, rather than attacking him personally.”
• Republican blogger says: “Please stop fueling the fire of hatred and division in our great country…” Agreed. Hopefully Karl Rove reads Caroline County VA Justice.
• Pat Robertson makes terrorist prediction against the US, says “God made me do it.”
• Mr. Jaquith and I both support passing the Pelosi Minority Bill of Rights now that Democrats are in the majority.

• Rumor has it, I’ve been snarking some woman in the back row of a movie theater.
• Richmond Liberty has a few bad bills. Del. Cosgrove decides to phone it in this session.
• Shaun Kenney throws his weight behind rail. Gail Parker heard shrieking in the distance.
• It’s good being a judge.
• It wasn’t bad enough that my Broncos were eliminated from the playoffs yesterday, Darrent Williams was killed early this morning.
• There aren’t enough words in this sentance to link to every blog post wasted today on the four-day old Waldo-gate.

• I think liberals and conservatives agree on one thing: Saddam Hussein’s death will not be mourned. Hussein dead in a few minutes. James Martin does ask a valid question: Can we go home now?
• The Legal Profession is gayer than a spring day in Paris.
• Mr. Letiecq has a hilarious post up on Manassas Park Mayor Frank Jones.
• Mr. Ngo may be nerdy with graphs, but he’s a kewl haxor!!1!
• Voice your support for Whackjob to be named 2006 Best New Blog of the Year - Right.
• Repulic of T. offers a stark example of the future in Virginia with the Marshall/Newman Amendment.
• We’re following Vivian’s lead, expect James Martin any minute when he puts away his John Edwards Dreamboat Scrapbook.
• DoD Website offline. Pondering a surge of IP packets for Iraq.
• Mr. Ngo answers Mr. Letiecq’s argument that armed civilians only stop bank robberies. (Third Item)
• After yesterday’s urinate-on-the-Koran episode, Republitarian posts a coherent argument filled with logic. Town pharmacy open only on Fridays.
• Please donate a few bucks to Jeff Dion, Candidate for Occoquan Supervisor.

• Mr. Chandler can’t seem to stop blogging today. Welcome back to the addiction.
• Mr. Kenney the Elder rises above politics. Well done, Sir, you have my admiration. Mr. Tribbett agrees.
• Mr. Ngo asks that we return to Virgil Goode. Wisdom from the mouth of a credible young blogger.
• Having never read the Koran, Republitarian approves the act of urinating on it. Mr. Foley is the source of the urination-match. I am not sure he’s ever read the Koran either. Mr. Foley has read the Koran.
• Catholic church against the execution of Saddam. Mr. Kenney the Elder argues against the church’s stance. Infallibility apparently has its limits.
• A new blog to me, The Krehbiel Strikes Back, gives the play by play on Waldo-gate, for the three people that missed it.
• Mr. Martin goes to the presidential prom with his second choice. I hope Mark Warner doesn’t show up later.