Daily Whackjob

Today the Vatican released the Ten Commandments for drivers.

It warned about the effects of road rage, saying driving can bring out “primitive” behavior in motorists, including “impoliteness, rude gestures, cursing, blasphemy, loss of sense of responsibility or deliberate infringement of the highway code.”

Sounds a lot like blogging.

Not to be outdone, DWJ has issued the Ten Commandments for Bloggers.

We want you all to be warned about the effects of blog rage. Blog reading can bring out “primitive” behavior in bloggers, including impoliteness, rude gestures, cursing, blasphemy, loss of sense of responsibility and anonymous commenting.

If you have been behaving badly lately, don’t click the more button. If you read something and it offends you, then I probably am talking about you had you in mind when I said it.

1. Don’t make statements you can’t back up. This makes you look retarded and then we get in trouble for picking on retarded people
2. If you get caught making untrue statement just admit you made a mistake. Also, learn to read so you can understand what other people post. Just because black helicopters circle around your house is no reason to be paranoid.

3. Do not blog while drunk or on mind altering drugs. If you have been prescribed medication, take it before blogging.

4. If you feel like you can’t say something using your real name or your usual screen name, then you probably shouldn’t say it.

5. If you can’t abide by number four, then at least be smart enough to use a proxy server or a computer at the public library or something. But since number four is likely a result of number three, take a cab.

6. Don’t be surprised when anonymous commenters/bloggers get outed after making fools of themselves.

7. Be careful outing anonymous bloggers. Always allow for the possibility that the blogger owns a very smart tarantula who also comments on blogs or the computer malfunctioned like HAL 9000 and developed its own will. Also do not neglect the fact that some republicans actually do live in communes and have no idea who uses their computer.

7. Use only one name at a time, and don’t carry on a conversation with youself using multiple names.

8. Do not copy another blog’s post and republish it on your own blog. It is ok to copy excerpts as long as you credit the blog you took it from and have something to add to it, or if you have a different readership and you think your readers would otherwise miss a wonderful post. If the blog you are quoting and your blog share the same three readers, don’t bother. It just makes you look silly on BNN and we get in trouble for picking on retarded people.

9. Convincing “well respected” bloggers to join your cause and blog with you doesn’t raise your credibility, it just lowers theirs.

10. Stay out of multiple blog echo chambers. It will only give you a really horrible headache.