Christianists in the News
It’s time once again for Christianists in the News, brought to you by the Catholic Church. If you need to hide a pedophile, call the Catholic Church for a free quote. They’ll beat any price.
Today’s top story is Tony Alamo, a Christianist preacher and fashion tragedy. Tony, whose real name is Bernie Hoffman, along with his wife Susan, are accused of pedophilia and general douchebaggery.They were arrested yesterday as they were leaving the Little America Hotel in Flagstaff, AZ.
When asked about the raid and the arrest, Bernie the Pervy said, “Why were they after Jesus? It’s the same reason. Jesus is living within me.” That’s correct Bernie. Make sure you tell those nice jurors that Jesus made you touch that little girl.
As a bonus for our loyal readers (and to prove that DWJ is equally critical of anyone who believes in a magical super being whose only ability to communicate with humans is through one of the few objects in the world older than John McCain) I offer up this tubby bastard. His name is Omar Bakri Mohammed, a radical Islamic cleric who praised the 9/11 hijackers and detests twinkies. Allah most merciful has seen fit to convert his daughter from uptight, repressed, unshaven devout Muslim to hot, dyed-blonde piece of stripper tail. Omar’s stripper daughter not only has dyed-blonde hair, but several tattoos of her name on he ankle. Sources also have it that she has worked a fire-breathing segment into her stripper act.
The money line from the Dailymail:
One of a string of boyfriends, Yasmin has apparently been with since her marriage break up told the paper:’ She’s a million miles away from the daughter her daddy would have wanted and is very adventurous in bed.
‘She likes to dress up in kinky gear and has worn a police uniform, a French maid’s outfit and various office clothes.’
This has been another (first?) edition of Christianists in the News. Next week, we’ll examine why people give money to build churches but not to feed the homeless.